WhatisNews?

Security Shock

Take everything I said about royal security back after it was revealed today that a tabloid newspaper reporter has been working undercover at Buckingham Palace for the last four months...

"Queen: And this is Mr Parry from the Daily Mirror."

Bye bye Quay Street

Apparently Granada are going to sell off their Quay Street HQ in Manchester. For those of you who don't know, Granada is one of the companies that make up ITV - the main independent TV channel in the UK. Granada serves the north of England and is probably best known for the "Coronation Street" soap opera. When I was a kid growing up in "Granadaland" I used to think this building was impossibly exotic. When I finally saw it, I thought it looked really quaint and '60s (but I loved the big Granada TV signs all over it). Shame they want to get rid of it.

For sale

The reason for the sale is - at least in part - that Granada has now merged with Carlton, which is one of the other big ITV companies and so loads of staff have legged it down to the winebars of Soho. Between them, Granada/Carlton now more or less own the entire ITV network (because over the years they've taken over most of the other 13 or so companies.)

Does this matter? Yes, because for the first time the entire ITV network is theoretically buyable. If you wanted to control ITV, you'd simply have to buy Granada/Carlton (I'd start saving now, if I were you.)

And good old Mr Blair, anxious not to annoy chums like Uncle Rupert, has cleared the way for foreign ownership of terrestrial TV networks in Britain. (Can you imagine any other sensible European country doing this?) Rupe has got his eyes on Channel Five. But there will be no shortage of American companies eager to dump product on ITV - especially now that the government has allowed it to clear its schedule of any messy interruptions from things like news programmes.

Standby for some wall-to-wal-Mart quality teevee.

New Member

A big welcome in the house to Labour MP Clive Soley, who has started his own blog. Clive has campaigned on issues relating to media standards for a long time and has some interesting things to say about those nice folk at News International. I guess Clive is the first MP to start a blog, but hopefully not the last. Take a look.

Protection

Hard to Get, shukria for your kind words. Actually, when it comes to protecting heads of state, we Brits have a slightly better record than you Americans over the last few years.

In case you don't know what I'm getting at...

Further back in the past, we were quite keen on cutting off our head of state's head ourselves. (But that's another history lesson.)

Actually I don't think it's because our security services are better than yours (though yours definitely have cooler sunglasses). It's just that noble "semi-automatic rifle in the classroom" tradition you guys are so proud of. Makes it much easier for somebody who's had a bad day at the office or wants to impress Jodie Foster to have a pop at the Prez. Brits would rather write a letter of complaint.

So we don't get too uptight when a grandmother climbs up the gates of Buckingham Palace and waves a flag around. The Queen was probably in Burger King or at the pub, anyway.

Black Magic

Looks like The Daily Telegraph is in trouble, after shareholders forced its Canadian proprietor to cough up about the rather generous dollops of wodge he's been paying himself and his mates.

The Torygraph, in case you don't know, is the newspaper of choice for British conservatives. Lots of journalists quite like it too, because (at least until it got all trendy in recent months, with a new design) it had the highest story count of all the British papers and the most detailed crime and court reporting.

The paper is owned by Hollinger, the third biggest newspaper company in the world. Hollinger also runs papers like The Jerusalem Post and the Sydney Morning Herald. Hollinger's chairman is Conrad Black, who is a member of the House of Lords.

Conrad Black: No room on the bus.

Now it turns out that Black has bunged himself and his chums almost £300 million in "management fees" over the last eight years. Black also apparently kept a couple of private jets on standby, presumably in case Concorde was fully booked.

Dontcha just love capitalism? It would be truly ironic if the Torygraph fell victim to the Gordon Gekko "Greed is good" mentality it did so much to foster. It's quite likely the title will be sold off to improve Hollinger's rather depleted bank balance. Step forward the likely buyers: well, Uncle Rupert is bound to be interested. The Torygraph sells more copies than his threadbare Times. And Richard "Asian Babes" Desmond, who owns the dismal Daily Express (as well as a range of "top shelf" magazines) would also probably fancy a bit of broadsheet respectability.

Strangely, the story of Black's demise does not feature prominently today on the Telegraph's site. In fact, you can't even read about it unless you subscribe, so I won't bother posting the link.

Enough Already?

Is American fiction on the wane? Yes, according to an article in this Saturday's Guardian Review by Gordon Burn. Burn who is British, says American novels are less and less about emotion and character and more obsessed with data, abstract language and lists. Prime culprits, according to Burn, include Richard Powers and Jonathan Franzen, who wrote The Corrections, which I loved.

Politically correct?

I'm surprised Gordon Burn didn't mention David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest" which is guilty of everything he objects to - but still manages to be surely the best novel written in the last twenty years...

Cameras

Watched Louis Theroux's programme about trying to get an interview with Michael Jackson last night. As a programme, it didn't really work because - of course - he didn't get the interview. And as one newspaper preview pointed out "sometimes not getting the story isn't really a story."

Still, there were several hilarious moments. My favourite came when Louis was talking to a man called Majestik Magnificent in a car park in Vegas. Majestik, who said he was once Michael's "personal magician," was offering to arrange an interview with the singer's father, Joe.

Theroux readily agreed to the $5,500 bill, but Majestik was not impressed by the camera his director was using, describing it as "an itty-bitty piece of shit from Radio Shack..."

"It's broadcast quality," Theroux said weakly.

Actually from a glimpse I saw in a mirror shot it looked like quite a "grown up" camera to me - at least it was on the director's shoulder and he was using the viewfinder, rather than an LCD screen.

Not like the diddy little Sony PD-150 I use.

Size does matter, apparently.

Coffee or Tea?

Should you be able to smoke on flights? The obvious answer is no. Most people don't smoke and therefore object to a smoky environment on a plane. So, the logic runs, the air we breathe on an aircraft will be cleaner now that just about every airline (I'd be interested to hear about any exceptions) has banned smoking.

But the logic is flawed.

Apparently, when smoking was allowed, the airlines were required to refill the cabin with fresh air every three minutes. Now - because there are no smokers - the rules have been changed and we get a mixture of new and recycled air on a much less frequent basis. This saves the airlines big $. And it's a good example of things not being what they seem...

DVT

Wales are playing Russia in the Euro 2004 play-offs on Saturday (come on Rossiya, says I). As part of the preparations for their trip, the Welsh squad have been issued with special "Deep Vein Thrombosis socks" to protect them on the flight. Hello? It's about three and a half hours to Moscow. Or, to put in terms that a professional footballer would understand, rather less time than it takes to get from the Trafford Centre to your drugs test.

The home game is next week and judging by the number of swarthy gentlemen speaking Russian to each other in London these days, Cardiff is likely to be invaded. One to watch on the telly, I think.

Your papers, please

The British Home Secretary David Blunkett has unveiled plans for "biometric" identity cards which will cost us a mere £70 each (can I have two please?) These things are a VERY GOOD IDEA, apparently. Why? Well, according to the news last night, they've got them in France.

As we're now looking to France to help decide what's good for Britain, here are a few other things the French have got...

1. A functioning railway system.
2. A publicly-funded health service that actually works.
3. The right to strike without being sent to jail.
4. Cheap fags.

Oh, and if there are any international terrorists reading, don't panic. These ID cards won't actually be compulsory. So while law-abiding folks like my Mum will dutifully queue up to get one because it's the right thing to do, Mr Al Qaeda at number 37 can just hang onto the passport his brother knocked up in Yemen.

Some people are doubtful about the Home Office computer boffins being able to get such a complicated system and database up and running. But I happen to know they've just taken delivery of some ultra-sophisticated new hardware.

No worries there, then.