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Gaddafi back from the cold

That stalwart friend of democracy Colonel Muammar Gadaffi famously lives in a tent, which is useful because he is as camp as a row of them. I'm not sure why it is that dictators always have to look like complete wussies, but they do. And none more so than the Libyan leader. Forget his more dodgy activities, on dress sense alone we should leave this dude in the wilderness.

But no... now the Colonel is being feted as a good guy and welcomed back with open arms into the civilised world. Only yesterday, Silvio "Nose job" Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister, was in Tripoli to make friends. Meanwhile in London, Tony Blair was smooching with Libyan Foreign Minister Abdel-Rahman Shalqam.

What has Gaddafi done to earn our approval? Well, he's decided not to build any of those naughty weapons of mass destruction. You know... the ones that Saddam Hussein didn't turn out to have either.

Gaddafi - carry on camping.

Personally, I would be much happier if Gaddafi had been given the full, luxury regime change treatment a la Saddam, rather than this half-way house. And happy though I am that the world has fewer bombs in it, I really hope that part of the deal with Gaddafi will include justice for the person who murdered female cop Yvonne Fletcher. She was shot dead outside the Libyan Embassy in London way back in 1984. Nobody has ever been charged with her murder. The marksman was one of 21 embassy staff spirited out of Britain under diplomatic immunity the day after Yvonne Fletcher was killed. Gaddafi knows who he is. As with Lockerbie, Gaddafi thinks he can buy his way out of trouble by paying Yvonne Fletcher's family compensation. But we should ask a bit more of him than that. And until he hands over the person who killed her, we should leave him in his tent.

Bush on Meet the Press

Saw some clips from Bush's weekend performance on Meet the Press last night. And what an insipid, bumbling performance it was. This dude is meant to be the leader of the free world. Personally, I wouldn't buy a lawnmower from him. No wonder he's so terrified of journalists. But why stop at journalists? The average seven-year-old would have had him on the ropes. If Blair was as threadbare he would have been edged out of the door months ago. People get very antsy when you say Dubya's a moron, but the evidence is pretty strong. Take this choice cut from the transcript...

Russert: Will you testify before the commission?

President Bush: This commission? You know, testify? I mean, I’d be glad to visit with them. I’d be glad to share with them knowledge. I’d be glad to make recommendations, if they ask for some. I'm interested in getting — I'm interested in making sure the intelligence gathering works well. Listen, we got some fine — let me — let me, again, just give you a sense of where I am on the intelligence systems of America. First of all, I strongly believe the CIA is ably led by George Tenet. He comes and briefs me on a regular basis about what he and his analysts see in the world.

You don't say, George? Well, that's OK then. Now admittedly none of this is on a par with the semantic conjurings of the master Rumsfeld. Nothing here of the order of Rumbo's celebrated observation that Saddam's weapons were "near Baghdad - to the south, west, east and north... somewhat." But still, it's pretty good stuff and much as I respect the right of people to hold right-wing opinions, I'm amazed that intelligent Americans like my friend Machete are happy to be led by somebody who is so obviously... dull.

I have a scream

CNN has admitted it may have overplayed Howard Dean's infamous "I have a scream" speech when Dean reacted to defeat in the Iowa caucuses with decidedly un-presidential exuberance. His outburst no doubt played a part in scuppering his campaign for the Democratic nomination, thereby paving the way for John ("My hair is real") Kerry to face Bush in November.

For more Kerryesque syrups, click here...

Now it's been revealed that Dean's speech was played 633 times across cable and broadcast news networks in the four days after it was made. These figures, compiled by a Washington-based newsletter, don't include local channels or talk shows. It's a scary illustration of how one slip-up can cost you your career.

"It was a big story, but the challenge in a 24-hour news network is that you try to keep all of your different viewers throughout the day informed without overdoing it," said Princell Hair, CNN's general manager.

Tetris tonight

How spoilt for choice am I with tonight's TV? Not. Surprisingly, I won't be tuning into "Ultimate Combat Helicopters" on Channel Five. Over on ITV1 it's the final of Celebrity, but all the interesting people are already out. And I simply refuse to watch Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen mutilate somebody else's bedroom.

That ceiling would do with another coat of rouge.

No, the only thing worth watching tonight is a documentary on BBC4 about Russia's greatest computer export - Tetris. I'm terrible at computer games, but I like playing Tetris, provided the speed is set to "baboushka." Any faster and I start to go what John Lydon would call lentil mental.

Tetris was invented in 1985 by a computer head called Alexey Pajitnov (who now works for Microsoft's games division.) It's widely considered to be one of the most addictive games ever (one man even went to jail because he refused to stop playing it on an aircraft.) It's also one of the hardest to master (although there is, apparently, a simplified version called Bushtris where all the pieces are squares.)

Tetris - slow down!

Norah Jones backlash

At last it's started. "...she makes the sort of music that middle managers from Basingstoke put on in the background when they think they're going to get their leg over." For more of the same, check out Alex Petridis' review of Feels Like Home in the Guardian.

Hair piece

Is this David Beckham with Avril Lavigne's hair - or has he been given Ozzy Osbourne's bouffant? To find out, go to the uber-cool Lazystuff.

Where I've been

World66.com will let you create a map of the world showing in red the countries you've visited. Depressingly, I've only managed 9% (22 countries) so far. Actually, I'm cheating a bit, because I counted China, even though I have only been to Hong Kong.

For those stay-at-home Americans who don't like foreign travel, there's a version which allows you to list all those states you've visited...

World66.com

Wardrobe Malfunction?

I don't believe for a second that the appearance of Janet Jackson's right breast during the Superbowl intermission was an accident. Check out the zoom from this camera operator. He (I'm guessing it was a he, don't know why) knew what was coming. Plus that ornate silver ring carefully perched on a particular part of Ms Jackson's anatomy looks to me like it's not meant to be a secret.

Justin Timberlake, who was responsible for exposing Ms Jackson's penchant for metallica, has disarmingly described the incident as a "Wardrobe malfunction." What exactly was the malfunction? The press here has suggested he actually meant to liberate both of his partner's breasts.

I can't imagine anything like this happening at half time in the Charity Shield, when the closest thing you come to a cup has got Bovril in it. But still, I can't see why America has got so uptight about it all.

Justin and Janet - storm in a C-cup?

Lydon out

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here is likely to be even more dull from now on, as John Lydon has "escaped" to the comfort of a nearby five star hotel. Lydon was far and away the most interesting and entertaining of the camp's inmates and a hot favourite to win.

John Lydon - free.

Meanwhile, famous Auzzie academic Germaine Greer has revealed that the "jungle" location used for the programme is actually an old banana plantation in New South Wales. Ms Greer was offered £25k to take part in this series, but turned them down.